There are signs that one is ready to marry, there are also signs that you’re not ready. A surprising number of people are able to know if they are ready or not, and how that lack of readiness contributed to their divorce.
It is very vital to take a critical took on ones motivation for marriage before one weds to help one avoid making these mistakes.
If one falls into one of these categories below, avoiding marriage at this time is probably a good idea.
It is advisable to follow the suggestions listed below as an alternative remedy. If in one of these situations, you should understand the risk you’re taking if you choose to get married for any of the following irrational reasons.
1) To escape a poor, chaotic, or unhappy home or family: Find something doing to better the home. If that is not possible occupy yourself with a Godly life that will make you happy rather than jump into marriage that you are not ready for to avoid repeating the mistakes of your parents
2) When you’re too young or immature: Marriage is not for infants and infant minds, marriage is for matured minds. Delay marriage until you’re matured physically and also mature in mind.
3) When you lack experience: Experience does not come from being directly involved. You can get experience from couples, books, etc. From there you can figure out what you need in a relationship and how to differentiate a compatible partner from someone who isn’t healthy or compatible.
4) When you’ve just graduated, you are not self-sufficient, have never been on your own as an independent single person, have no stable career or means of support, are afraid to be alone, or your partner is leaving soon for a long time. Take a career that has some flexibility, consistent and can support you and your family for the rest of your life. Live on your own as a single person and learn how to pay bills, save money, and become self-sufficient and independent. Learn how to be alone without being lonely, and how to be happy single.
5) To make someone else jealous: Read books on marriage, attend marriage seminars to become more emotionally mature. “Don’t marry anyone until you have mature, and have also acquired a variety of adult behaviours and coping skills to rely on when you’re hurting.” Learn communication skills to help you talk through problems amicably, rather than resorting to manipulation.
6) To supply self-esteem or to remove shame: Marriage is not competition. That one marry first does not make such a person better. God’s time is the best.” Replace your low self-esteem thoughts with positive self-thoughts”. Don’t marry anyone until you feel confident and comfortable with yourself. Be sure you’re choosing someone who really is compatible, not just someone to fill in because you’re needy. You could be unequally yoked.
Because everyone else is doing it: That your age mates and school mates are all married is not enough to jump into marriage. It is like a premature ejaculation both parties will not enjoy it. Wait for your time, the God’s appointed time.
7) When you’re pregnant: To our ladies, don’t assume that you can use pregnancy to hook the boy or your boyfriend will be there for you and the baby if you carry it to term and keep it. If the time is not ripe for marriage, do not trick yourself into marriage.
When but you’re growing older and you’re afraid you won’t find anyone better: That you’re getting older is not enough to go into marriage when obviously you’re not compatible from all ramifications.
8) When your relationship is not compatible or fun. Don’t marry until/unless you’re fairly sure that you are compatible and could sustain a happy marriage. If your current partner isn’t very compatible, consider quitting for your own good.
9) When you haven’t been into courtship together to know if you’re compatible: It is difficult to know and or understand someone fully no matter the length of time in courtship. However, if you’ve just met someone recently, relax and give yourself time to get to know one another. If your partner is long-distance and you’ve communicated mainly through e-mail, letters, phone calls, and occasional visits, don’t marry until you’ve gotten to know each other better in person and the relationship is strong.
If your partner is too busy to make the relationship a priority, discuss your perspective with him or her. See if you can come up with a compromise that is satisfactory to both of you.
10) When one or both of you has broken up, divorced, or widowed long enough, or one of you is on the rebound: Do not rush into marriage when divorced or widowed just to fill the place. There have been cases where a divorced get married, sooner or later reconciled with his or her ex. When getting for a widowed with children be certain that you are ready for a larger family with step children. If you cannot treat them like your own biological children, no need going into such marriage. Ensure compatible enough to sustain the relationship long-term.
11) When one or both of you suffer from serious personal or psychological problems: See an expert like a psychologist to resolve your problems. If your partner is the one with the problems, like drugs, inferiority problems invite him/her to couples counselling with a psychologist.
12) When one or both of you have committed physical, sexual, or child abuse: Seek treatment immediately, and let the psychologist know that this is an emergency and ensure you are free before going into marriage.